What comes to your mind when you hear the word journals…
Xavier had a hard time dealing with his breakup, he wrote an entry. He wouldn’t forget the way she walked away, letters describing all the words he couldn’t say and all in lined papers. Spongebob really did great today, the Bikini Bottom is all rainbows. He writes an entry, he wouldn’t forget this day. Joanna just had her first kiss, sure, she writes an entry. Words describing the heart beat only her could feel, bellyache or red butterflies…
Ashley is crying at 02 AM. Edwin missed his flight. Margaret gave birth to a girl and Josh fell off his bike. Rukki is praying, Chizaram is going to start a business, Olivia is starting a new book, Ife wants to travel and me, I’m just hanging around waiting for the next wave.
Catching and Releasing, unwinding, recording our existence, dancing to our rythme. What’s existence without memories…
First times and last times… heart beats and cold hands. Epiphany and dilemma. Adrenaline and Dopamine. More than ten Thousand neurons cutting across a single brain causing flashes of actions as the legs tries to find its place in the societal ladder.
The Purple Journal tells you all the things you already know, things you already learnt and felt yet this journal solves a problem. As humans forgetting is innate and just like all the rainy nights when these persons go back to their journal hidden in the wooden shelves and remember what was once unforgettable, the purple journal is also your tiny reminder of the words you didn’t say….
A reminder of everything you called weird and irrelevant.
The purple journal is here to remind you of some feelings, thoughts and experiences you might have just forgotten….
Take a pick my dear Sunday team- Coffee, tea or water?
In my last blog article I preached about my mini life reset I carried out in April. My main goal was to get a grip of myself and become disciplined enough to be active with my interests rather than mourn about how unproductive I was being and how lazy I was growing. It was about little steps away from my comfort zone.
In that post I stressed on my plans of designing a schedule and routine and hoped to share the process with you if I actually do it. Well, I did it!
DESIGNING A schedule can seem like a lot of work at first but the key to overcoming that is not doing too much.
I made a simple paper and digital list of the activities I’ll love to do each day no matter how little and if that list of yours looks like a railway you might want to reconsider. In that list I included the following activities in order of which came first:
Drink water Study/school work Bible reading Financial book read Planning and checking notifications lunch Read my current novel Make dinner Watch evening soap opera Bath Spanish lesson journaling
Let me already mention that I had breaks between these activities. It wasn’t a do or die robotic program.
I DECIDED my wake time should be 04:00a.m so I can study for two hours before the whole family was awake- that’ll be such a distraction. Well you must have guessed right: I snoozed my alarm more than I woke up. That was just too early for goodness sake we are on a break, the whole world. When I was tired of deceiving myself I moved my wake time to 05:00 a.m. This time it was better, I felt better in the mornings. But it was still difficult.
SOON ENOUGH my body made a decision for us: it decided to no longer hear the alarm. I could no longer hear my alarm when it rang. Instead it woke my mom up every day at 05:00a.m. I felt bad.
When a schedule is obviously not working, it is okay to make adjustments. You should keep trying out schedules and routines till you find the one that suits the moment or season you’re in. If there’s one thing I know now, it’ll be the fact that you can’t have the same schedule and routine for so long… things change. Do not be afraid or ashamed of tweaking and adjusting your schedules and routines.
Tweak it till it fits
Adjusting is healthy
I created a digital document where I wrote about some days when my schedule was successful and when it was a total wreck.
We should be able to pick efficiency over extended work. Instead of doing too much and being so inefficient it will be better to do the little things and do them effectively DAILY.
After deceiving and torturing myself for weeks I decided one morning to just do what I can whatever time I woke up. Not minding the time, indeed my goal was to choose commitment daily and not to become the neighborhood rooster. That was the best decision I took last week and this past week was really calm and effective. I noticed I was usually awake somewhere between 6:30 a.m. – 07:00 a.m. And that was the end of my morning disappointments.
Definitely. When staying in a house with your parents and siblings plans are meant to change most times. Most times you’ll need to leave your work and focus on errands or helping siblings. Yes, this has affected my routine most days but like I said before: your schedule or routine shouldn’t be untouchable. You should not feel bad for tweaking this list. Just make sure you’re choosing to commit daily no matter how little the time. So currently whenever I wake up I choose my commitments no matter the time of the day. My schedules did suffer daily but my evening routine became my source of content. It was the most consistent and effective; I never missed a day in studying Spanish. So that’s my pride… I keep tweaking the blocks that fail.
Oh dear tomato unit. I represent my pomodoro time blocks with tomato emojis. Pomodoro technique is simply setting a stop watch for work and another for a break: I use 25 minutes for work and 5 minutes for a break and the cycle goes on and on.
As for Spanish lesson; it’s scheduled at 10:00p.m. Monday to Saturday for 1 hour.
On Sundays I welcome breaks from commitments and tend to writing. Did I mention my Photoshop course I scheduled for Tuesdays and Wednesdays at 9:00p.m.?
Side note: 🍅Praying has recently become the sweetest way for me to start my day. 🍅 I ditched school work for two weeks. Don’t be like me. But I’m happier this way. 🍅 I’m starting a new finance book because I finished the other one i.e. “Increasing your financial IQ by Robert Kiyosaki”
Schedules and routines are just guidelines not mountains…
This article has gotten too long… bye now x Take it easy… baby steps.
First, I’ll love to scream this, “I’m back!”. This writer is resurrected, I pray.
Hurray to you all like me looking forward to a life reset as you turn big 18 [and those anticipating 18]. Age eighteen is society’s golden age, most of us “day old eighteens” are busy trying to pull the best outfit, the best party and share the most gorgeous images straight out of the studio. Nice one.
If you are a control and productivity fanatic like me, well, you are definitely not alone. Welcome. Here’s a ghost cup of coffee, tea [or any refreshment you love] sit back, relax, I will just roll over a fresh canvas and we can start this reset art.
Why am I looking forward to a life reset?
You see, big eighteen is society’s grand license to more expectations and it’s not easy to skip on the demands pilling up from yourself to do better. No pressure. I’m not pressuring myself or expecting myself to figure everything out, no. I just did a good reflection and saw some flaws in my character that I’m paying for with my fulfillment as a young person.
This is my personal way of giving myself another chance to start all over again with all the qualities I took for granted: actions, boldness, consistency, discipline, commitment, systems, and so on. If I don’t declare a reset I’ll feel uneasy and like I’m just trying to mend old failures but what I want is a new person trying to be better as an individual… bringing to life with baby steps all the characteristics and disposition I’ll love to see in myself. It would not be hasty; it will not be perfect [though I love the idea of perfect]. It will be struggling to choose commitment daily as much as I can. It will be doing the work rather than just making endless lists. Your turn. What is your why?
How am I carrying out this reset?
WRITING X JOURNALING
For the past 10 days before my birthday, I tried putting down in a digital notepad [keep notes] all my reflections and thoughts I had about the coming big 18 and ending 17. This helped me with a glimpse of clarity in what I think I did wrong, did right and what I will love to change; then came a list of things I’ll want to do. So: I created a random document in my phone called “life reset” and dropped an idea of what I’ll like to do whenever the idea came and after a while I tried considering and organizing the events.
Believe me this was a big deal to me. I am yet to see some of the results but there is peace in knowing you have less around you. It makes sense that as you try to RESET, you take out things that you don’t use anymore or you are no longer acquainted with. It ushers in that sense of freshness and newness. Try not to go overboard with this or analyze this too much. Try not to remove things that you’ll regret, just remove whatever you know is not necessary.
Here is what I did:
I deleted contacts that I didn’t use frequently and those I had second thoughts about; I wrote them down in the contact form at the back of my journal just in case the need for them arises. Believe me I wanted to remove so much more than I already did but some acquaintances need to stay even though communication is not frequent example course mates, and people that think they know you but don’t. I deleted videos, images, messages, apps, files, SONGS. I love music; so much. But I knew I had to let go of those songs I’m so quick to next when they start playing. What is the use of having a long list of songs when you’re always skipping a lot [I can always download again when I finally miss them]. This felt hard at first but after then, I felt really good.
I know I will still do more of decluttering because of the fresh feeling it holds. I’m looking forward to library and wardrobe declutter once I am ready for thrift shopping. The act of decluttering did set that vibe of a rest… The mood was ignited. That’s pretty much it [for me at least]
I FINALLY came up with what all this was about. Why? Why do I want to change? Goals and tasks are based on a central desire. Choosing that desire automatically puts you through your goals when systems are created. Mine was:
▪️Reducing procrastination as much as possible. ▪️Growing discipline ▪️Taking more actions more than I make lists and goals. That is, being less passive and more active.
And the plan here was to stick with taking baby steps DAILY until I sink into autopilot.
SHEDULES AND ROUTINES
OKAY, I am still in the process of creating a functioning, realistic and productive schedule and building it into a routine. My goal for this routine is:
to know what to do and realize the time for actions, not necessary living an adventure-free routine life. No, just scheduling my activities and guarding those times least I neglect my commitments.
I have certainly asked myself, are you ready to commit? And I try to say to myself, that no matter how small and mundane these tasks may seem, it is not here to give me glory but to help mould my character as a young adult.
I am yet to establish these routines but I hope it goes well and I HOPE to stay committed daily and I won’t feel to make adjustments if any time block fails. I am going to adopt the pomodoro method of getting this done [tomato unit 🍅] and soon enough I’ll have feedbacks. Also, I’ll be scheduling specific tasks for specific time blocks.
Be sure to watch youtube videos, ask question to both trusted people and google [yet guard your choices]. Get to know how others are pulling through. All these will open you to new ideas you’ll love to test.
IN ALL you do, never neglect reading books. Make it a frequent task as much as you can. As for me: I will be exploring classic novels and financial books, I pray and I will try to take aesthetically pleasing photos of which ever I engage in [for the gram and my eyes].
Try as much as possible to explore new genres of books as this might open you to new interests or ideas.
YES I will be learning a new language and I think you should. I am doing this clearly from my love of accents, polyglots and playing characters. They say passion is not enough so I have gone to google and searched up,
“Why it is important that I learn a second language”.
There you have it. As for me, my first pick is Spanish for a second language. So please remind me I am a becoming student of Spanish, gracias. I am about to buy a cheap Spanish lesson notebook which I’ll be using for this long journey. And I hope to make a future blog post on my progress and process under the category productivity and growth. Speaking of categories…
I have not been reading my Bible and that has to change. Whether it was born from my reflection or from God’s will… It remains beautiful
I have not been reading my Bible and that has to change. Whether it was born from my reflection or from God’s will… It remains beautiful. Recently I kept wondering why I am a fanatic for romance and for love in general, love displayed in life overall. I concluded that I might just be in love with love itself… Within a moment of epiphany I realized that God is love and Jesus must be real. I realized that it could be Jesus himself showing me the beauty of love: who he is himself and why I should love. I choose faith, I choose to love him because he loved me first… And I’m reading the Bible to learn how to love, to change into all those qualities I admire. I choose to grow in love
I HAVE temporarily categorized my actions and focus into the following: productivity, language, school, reading, socials, spiritual, photography, and looks. It’s not fixed, things can change, and this will help me organize my actions, mobile space and information.
TYPYING ALL these now just showed me how much I am planning on committing to. This would SURELY not be easy because I am a respectable, high ranked, professional procrastinator and planner without major actions. But then again, that’s it. That’s what I desperately want to change.
I hope to share my progress via my instagram account and brush that one a bit as I am a lover of aesthetically pleasing photos.
Due to the Coronavirus pandemic my plan of purchasing a camera and learning editing has been suspended till further notice.
I HOPE to keep up with school work and study my bible frequently. All these, I wish to DO, key word, DO. It’s been a long chat, I forgot to refill your cup of tea [or whatever you may be drinking], forgive my manners. It’s been a pleasure chatting with you on my birthday and new age.
Above all, I pray I don’t sleep out of my commitments for I will deeply break my heart and accountability all over again. And like I said before, Baby steps, that’s just what it is.
Hello everyone! Thanks for joining The Purple Journal after that pretty long break.
Here’s the reason why I’ve not been writing:
I’VE BEEN IN BED
I repeat, I’ve been in bed.
Believe me she wasn’t prepared for this. Early on a new October morning, she gently rose up with the pace of dawn. A plain white sheet laid on her wooden table with plans ready to come to life. She had invested the early hours into appreciatong the new greens outside her house, and fruitfully approaching the month. She had carried some air from the previous month; the air of hope. A lovely way to start a new phase if you ask me but the rest of the days lacked the resemblance of dawn. It sure was quiet but it was too quiet. Adrenaline was always appreciated…
I surprisingly found myself in a situation where I was always in bed. Thinking about it now, it obviously was and still is an escape.
FACING THE UNKNOWN
From this experience, I would say facing the unknown requires these properties:
Faith, trust, hope.
Love hovers over them all.
Facing an unknown beginning can trigger new habits in us. These habits can be geared toward striving to achieve, following a certain schedule or escaping failed actions.
Sleeping has become one of those habits that helped me escape the after effects of failed actions.
I really had no idea what the problem was but I always felt the need to escape the bad feeling by sleeping. But here’s a little tip:
Bad feelings arise as an alert that we are not really doing the right things or we are generally making wrong decisions. If we feel too optimistic and try to wave off the bad feeling, the problem remains. If we find ways to escape the feelings when they come, we will definitely get away from it but not for long. Maybe the best thing we can do is be courageous (with the knowledge that courage is not the absence of resistance and fear), face the feeling, analyse it, hear what it’s trying to say to us and get on with doing the right things (which turns out to be the core problem)
DOING THE RIGHT THING
Truly we all know the right things to do, how? We already know the wrong things we are doing. The problem with doing the right thing is how uncomfortable it gets; the uncontrollable resistance and we are humans anyways. This is why I can support the list above that discipline and self-control are very great and productive attitudes to cultivate and grow when approaching our very life (which is always an unknown).
In the main time, it will feel excruciatingly difficult (if not impossible), but when it’s over you will be more peaceful looking back at the suffering, rather than looking back at all the things you didn’t do.
BED EQUALS SLEEP
When I failed to do the things I was suppose to do, I found my legs moving to the bedroom. In a sunny, hot afternoon, I would cover myself up with my very thick blanket and hope to get away from it all by sleeping. I would put myself to sleep by convincing my gullible self with these words: “I’ll do it when I wake up, maybe I’ll feel fresh, new and ready to restart the day.” I was always looking for ways to restart the day, even though it’s 7pm. Sleeping was the best way to help myself realise this stupid intention.
So how do you actually get out of bed and do what you’re suppose to do? Here’s a quick answer: Grumble and hate it all while you actually make a decision and attempt to move your body off the bed. Move yourself, feet by feet (still grumbling) and place yourself on the area where you have your work. When you’re done, thank God later.
There is no how. Thing is, we all know how to; We just lack discipline because we hold on to our entitlement to comfort.
We are always choosing (I’ll talk about this in the next topic of this series).
We will feel way better after our suffering than we will feel after our comfort.
You see, the thing with comfort (laying in bed, scrolling through channels, surfing instagram, munching on junk) is this: it’s just an escape. It doesn’t actually make the problem go away. It just makes you get addicted and dependent on it. It makes you run away from the problem when indeed happiness comes from solving problems.
Get out of bed… Face the feeling.
It’s funny how the best things we desire actually come from doing the very things we want to ignore. It’s ironic how true comfort actually comes from being uncomfortable. The make up of man is one of the most counter-intuitive system I’ve ever observed.
The best way to get away from uncomfortable feelings is doing the uncomfortable… It is simply doing the right thing, which we all know is hard to do (at first).
I am not saying it’s (that) easy, I’m just saying it’s worth choosing…
Here’s how I got to write this post after a long time of avoidance: I got out of bed and reluctantly sat on my work table. Period.
When the sun came up today, I looked up at the sky and asked, “God where are you taking me now? ” The best part of this question was that I had a smile on my face as I asked the question. It was a special kind of question because I didn’t know the answer but I knew it would be amazing and beautiful… And I was aware it wasn’t going to be easy. I was aware that soon I was going to break down again but it’ll lead me to a whole new ground that stimulates goose bump and happy tears.
September is not going to come around again. This september is gone forever and I am relaxed at the thought that I have no regrets. None.
I don’t regret the shift of goals. I don’t regret the moments I spent doing nothing. On the last day of August I had drafted a mini plan; a plan highlighting the biggest things I wanted to do (I had planned starting a podcast). The month of September went in a way I never imagined and also in a way I imagined. I discovered much more than I thought I would, I found new parts of myself and I was still able to do some of the things I planned doing (finishing the book of John, first Timothy and Second Timothy).
It was a moment when I gave myself a chance. When I stayed in solitude sometimes just to embrace myself. Where I had deep thoughts and hard truths.
I may not have started a podcast but I did go through a healing process; like a series of mindset bath. I feel like all the right things happened (even the bad days). This only makes me hold on tighter to my new, favourite mantra : “Trust the future to be beautiful. It may not go as you imagined but it will still be beautiful. You might walk a different path you never thought you’ll walk but you’ll still meet a beautiful end… “
We have gotten to the end of the September Challenge (In her September thoughts). This is not a goodbye but it’s the end of September.
On the bright side, it’s a new beginning with new chances and experiences. It’s fresh with new lessons and pain lying ahead. In summary, life is worth it.
THROUGH OUT THE MONTH OF SEPTEMBER, I HAVE :
experienced more of peace and hope.
Been able to experience healing in my thoughts and emotions. I have started my journey away from self-pressure.
Been able to create contents for this new blog.
Do things even when I don’t feel like it.
Spend my time with God and His word. And I found fun ways to be with Him. I have been really open to God with my doubts and confusions about Him and I watched Him provide some answers (and when I had no answers, I watched trust and faith take over).
I have read books religiously.
I have heard from new amazing people and sent direct messages.
Discovered more of who I want to be and where I want to be.
Been watching my true attitude and behaviours and I’m trying to be honest to myself about the ugly sides (very discomforting).
This is not the end of The Purple Journal, It’s a new beginning… Again, I’m proud of the photos.
Update: This post was initially created on the 28th of September, but failed to publish due to site issues.
To be really honest, I don’t feel like writing anything today but I’m still going to try. Okay. Last night, I saw a post by Joyce Meyer and it said, “Working out have great benefits but it’s still hard… What hard thing are you doing?”
In this millennial, it’s obvious how emotions are overrated. We tend to live our lives according to our feelings. We do things just because we feel like it. We have evolved into a generation that live to merely satisfy feelings. If something feels hard, we avoid it and move on to what feels better.
This has turned out to be a major contribution to the growing feeling of entitlement. We now feel like we have the qualification and right to anything good we desire (according to how we feel about it).
Somehow, this has seriously doubled the rate of depression. Because of the inundation of extraordinary stories and motivation, everyone now feels entitled to significance. When this attention and societal worth is not forth coming, we tend to feel denied of what we claim to have deserved. We get filled with so much sadness, anger and bitterness towards living. Some might keep trying so hard, some might give up and fall back to continuous movie nights, late night alcohol and more junk food.
This same attitude of entitlement has destroyed the true value of life itself. We set out on missions aimed at getting back everything the world owes us. We do things just to prove our worth to the world. This can get motivational and inspire success but this can also get really bad; because entitlement leaves us unsatisfied and obsessively desperate.
We forget that we came into this world with nothing and will definitely leave with nothing. We even grow in this attitude and feel entitled to life. We wake up in the morning and feel no air of gratitude for a new day. Why? Because we feel we qualify to still be alive. We feel we are not done getting back what life took from us, so we just can’t die or loose an arm or a kidney. The list goes on and on and yes I am also guilty of this attitude (That’s why I say ‘we’).
In some way or the other we all are…
If you’re not feeling entitled to life, you’ll be feeling entitled to love and attention. If not that, you might feel entitled to beauty or wealth or fame or skills or health.
Here is a personal experience: I always believed we had to do something special so we can prove we are smart and great enough. It was a message preached everywhere. No doubts, I grew up living up to that message and searching for more of that toxic message. Everyone had something they were great at; that one thing that’ll make them stand out. You see, I’ll later grow up searching for this gifts or talent I possessed. I will search and search and nothing will seem enough for me because I possessed no exceptional skill. I will go on to be really depressed about my life and form a habit of crying to myself, drowning in self- pity and self-hate.
It’s only now that I’ve grown to realise that kind of attitude and quest itself was a form of entitlement and playing victim. It’s really hard to admit it, but maybe all I was looking for was attention ( I swear I’m cringing now, don’t mock me… I never expected this post to go this way).
We grow up feeling entitled to an extraordinary ability. We skip the knowledge that we have no idea who we really are, and that only time and experience can lead us into learning who we truly are.
I knew I could always learn a skill since I had non. But no, “entitlement”— I didn’t feel like learning. I felt that learning a skill will only make it annoying and because I felt so, I let my head and emotions grow larger with entitlement. I kept on forcing answers out of myself (even when they weren’t just there—yet).
Imagine the amount of self torture. This might sound crazy and ordinary to you, but this made me cry night and day—the realisation (lie) that I wasn’t just good enough…
We don’t have any supposed qualification and right to good, great things. This bitter truth is what will save most of us; I mean, I learnt it the hard way.
Just because something feels good and great doesn’t mean you must have it. Just because you desire it doesn’t mean it’ll be yours. And look, not having things your way doesn’t have to mean you’re miserable. Because you don’t have it doesn’t mean you’re doomed. You don’t always have to play victim of lost rights.
We have to get comfortable being uncomfortable. I really do feel like a hypocrite now because I am also dealing with this… But I’m happy I’ve grown to understand where the problem started. I am happy I am free from pressuring myself.
“Too much pleasure is pain…”
Free yourself… Release all those great expectations. Get uncomfortable. If you desperately feel like chasing these entitled wants… You’ll have to get ready to work for them. If you decide to suffer for them, then you must have paid a reasonable price for this need. That’s the birth of possibility.
Instead of drowning in self agony and entitlement to self aggrandizing expectations, start looking for what you’re ready to suffer for. And while you’re suffering, know that you’ll die leaving this earth with nothing. Don’t let society choose your suffering for you, because society won’t be there to carry the cross for you.
A good medicine to letting go of an entitled attitude is simply gratitude. I am not saying that’s the only solution, I am only saying what has worked for me. There are more solutions: hard work, patience, humility e.t.c.
“If you have to say good bye (to the standards), know you’ll be fine after saying goodbye. You won’t be perfect but you’ll be fine” – Morgan Harper Nichols.
Keeping a gratitude journal helped me recognize the trend of entitlement in my life. How? I noticed that the answer I had to why I felt desperate for most things was simply because it will make me feel good and better about myself. That means, I felt entitled to feeling good. How wrong can this get?
Practicing gratitude has helped me realise that we don’t actually have the right to blessings… It’s either a divine gift or you worked for it in some way. We can’t escape hard work and we cannot live our lives always feeling good.
In the moments when what we desire doesn’t come our way, we can be more present and get grateful for all the things we already have or once had. Things like: water, sunshine, health, our ability to live, the way the night and day are being controlled, sight, safety…
Above all, you still have the so precious life running in your graceful body that holds you in hope.
A conscious cure to stress, fear and worry.
Gratitude, knowing that what’s present is what’s present.
In Dr. Norman Pearle’s book (How to be your best) chapter four explains how Bill Stidger fought depression with gratitude, and how that bold step of his was able to give an old grandma something to appreciate about the past fifty years of her life… The chain didn’t end there, more persons smiled from one man’s act of gratitude.
Live grateful today… Create value and acknowledgement for the life you now have.
Living courageous is the ability to live even in the midst of fear and insecurities…
It’s finding your own shades of colour.
P. S I am so proud of this photo. And that’s my stuffed octopus, Ashley .
We live in a new age world where being restless and anxious is a full blown disease. We sit in the midst of people yet wander to places far from the present. It is now normal to be in the present yet know nothing about what’s happening in the present, because our minds are always seeking for what’s next — not what’s before us. Now whenever we get a chance to be happy, all we can do is imagine what it would be like when the party is over and the sun goes down. What it’ll be like when life comes back at us.
Why do you want to ruin the present by imagining and meditating on what could go wrong — in the future!
PEACE AND HOPE
Yeah, I keep mentioning this. I can’t hide how overwhelmed and grateful I feel for this. The bible says, “my peace I leave with you…” I have personally experienced this peace. When conflicting ideas and thoughts come to my mind, it feels like my mind is not willing to hold on to it for so long. It just longs to be settled and simply, peaceful.
Again. The world will always have opposing forces. It’s not a surprise that in the midst of so much peace and calm, wild thoughts attacks us. It’s not a surprise that when we refuse these thoughts, a new war starts to build up in our minds; FEAR.
We accuse ourselves for being too relaxed. Our mind starts accusing us as being extremely indifferent or too carefree. Our minds can even accuse us for being too scared to face our problems. Such truthful lies! We’ve lived on this earth long enough to believe a lie that being peaceful is abnormal. The trend is to be worried and overly concerned about all the things we can’t handle at the moment.
In the middle of the calm and peace, there might exist a building fear of loosing this peace. Peace feels so good and miraculous that we might actually start becoming worried of loosing this peace. We forget that this fear itself is a perfect way to start giving out our peace.
Why think about what will happen when you loose your peace of mind… And maybe returned to being the clumsy, anxious, sick kitten? Why do that when you can just — settle.
Lately I’ve been waving off this uncomfortable thought of loosing this peace and hope that I am so excited about, the one I am so surprised and grateful for. We become scared that the moment we loose our peace, we become fraudsters. It begins to feel like we tricked the world and made them believe in a peace that was just perhaps a mood swing. We get scared of admitting that the growth we so claimed to have was just for a little while. We get scared it will stand against the new practice and lifestyle we’ve come to preach about, enjoy and share with the world around us…
Humans have grown so accustomed to waving off the present while holding on to the future in their heads. We can’t deny the fact that the present will always be the present and the future will always be the future. In as much as we are making preparations for a FUTURE downfall, we can also be grateful and happy in the moments we are standing on.
Well, what can I say. Instead of thinking about all these, we could choose to just enjoy this moment while it lasts; this peace. We could always write this feeling down and keep the memory. And when it seems like it’s gone, we could always come back to that entry and know that there was a time we were this peaceful. This can be a great source of hope. If we do this, we might just be filled with the faith that it can happen again.
The faith is not about not getting into bad times and moments; for they must come. The faith believes in fighting… And it says, “fight the good fight of faith.” The faith doesn’t mean we won’t get troubled, it simply tells us to fight with faith when the struggles and worries come. It tells us not to settle for it. It tells us to believe and win over oppositions, even when it seems too hard. It teaches patience in war.
“Change is inevitable.”
Just look at you. Few months ago you were so anxious you’ll never get to this point. Look at you showing off so much power and strength you’ve built up as you passed through your tiny holes… Look at you now in the lights. Even though you might not have so much light around you, now you see the light. Now you have a stronger chance of seeing your way to the bigger lights.
In essence, once you thought it will never be possible but you’re now living in your thought out future impossibility. You have grown more knowledgeable. Stronger. More patient. More open. More vulnerable and better. Even though your peace and hope will get taken away from you again, always remember that it’s an opportunity to go through another growth process. When you came out of your last struggle, you came out better.
Hope and faith can hold you in this moment of fear. Through hope and faith you can be rooted in a believe that; it will only build your peace. Maybe this time when your peace comes back to you; when you win back your peace, it will be much greater. You will get stronger and firmer.
This is the idle growth mindset and faith.
We must be able to accept who change is and know that change is definitely coming for us. It’s coming on an attempt to take us through the highs and lows so at the end we can become great, strong and skilled surfers of life. It was through the rough storms and pain that you learnt the value of peace. It was through these moments you discovered the beauty of peace. Would you settle for this place you have now, when you know you can have much more? It was through the journey of anxiety and worry that you found this peace you once never knew to exist.
Even though your beautiful, loved peace goes away, maybe you’ll only journey into a deeper form of peace. A more secured kind, planted in the memories of your journey. You can choose to enjoy your peace while it lasts and fight for it or you can choose to see the brighter side of the change about to come. You can choose to anticipate just how beautiful, refined and genuine your peace will become when you meet it again.
Growth comes in so many areas of life and time. Just because you’ve grown in one area or phase, doesn’t mean you’re done growing. We never stop growing through life.
Grow with The Purple Journal today.
“I leave the gift of peace with you—my peace. Not the kind of fragile peace given by the world, but my perfect peace. Don’t yield to fear or be troubled in your hearts—instead, be courageous!” John 14:27 TPT https://bible.com/bible/1849/jhn.14.27.TPT
NEWS FLASH: For those who didn’t join us from the beginning, this note is to remind you that the purple journal is approaching the end of this series. This series is one that brings to the light, the September thoughts of The Purple Journal as this journal goes through a growth journey. We strongly encourage people that feel like they just can’t figure out what’s going on in their young lives to give this series a chance. It’s called “In her September thoughts.” You can also visit past post since the beginning of the month. It will help you move with trail of thoughts and understand better.
How has your month been and what are you planning to grab as the new month arrives?
From The Purple Journal With love, light and grace…
Honestly, I’ll like to start by repeating the fact that I am overwhelmed and amazed by the hope in my heart. It’s amazing how I imagine my future and get filled with the thoughts that “At the end, I’ll die knowing I lived it all right. At the end, I’ll still feel alive.”
Hello! Welcome to The Purple Journal. The Purple Journal is an amateur weblog that presently have no specific niche and doesn’t plan to. It is an online journal fueled by a free young…
Amateur is such a beautiful, strong word with different windows; we could look at it from different perspectives. I spent a significant period of my life, fighting with words the society gave a negative shade. I would go numb at the thought of words like: enough, mediocre, mediocrity, oblivion, amateur, genius, loser, fail…
Amateur looked better after the three dots in a sentence. Amateur was the reason they became mature. Amateur marked a start… Yet it was so hard to accept and identify with.
The Purple Journal is Amateur today, but not for long. New soul, new mindset, sunshine, me… The weird kid have decided to accept this word whole Hearted. I am grateful for the gift of hope; the ability to be in the gutter yet see the sunlight. The Purple Journal will turn out to unfold into so many beautiful shades. Out of the wrestling wind, meaning would be found. Time makes it all fun and mysterious.
I sat on the bench and imagined how it felt like. The divine looking at us, watching us grow just like the plants and other creatures. There is no huge difference between all living things when it comes to growing. Just as the seed breaks and dies only to come out of the dark soil taller and firmer… The divine will watch we humans break. Watch the dirty soil rub off on us and only wish we could see that soon we will come off as strong and fresh. How it must feel as the divine sees us giving up when the end is painted with his glory. I also can’t miss the imagination of how pleased He must feel when we finally step into the purpose He created us for… When we finally lay hold of everything that we once desired and called “The life.”
This blog would have started before now, but I was in a deep search to provide what society will identify as meaningful. The urgency to place my creativity in a certain category. Life never placed us in one category. Life placed us on a treadmill and lifted us from one treadmill to another while our eyes were still spinning. Every victory led us into another war. Now I sit baffled at the low expectations of the world. The crippling conception of living… The words giving to people who tend to be different from the trend; weird, freak, crazy, dumb, dreamy, possessed, unusual… Meanwhile everyone had different finger prints. The creator was limitless when it came to variety.
Niche? Nahhh, I’ll skip that part. I don’t even know what wonder I am capable of… Yet!
Free yourself… You’re too alive to cage your mind. The creator is not out of designs.
Life is priceless and overwhelming. There are so many shades of a colour that still remain nameless even though there is an obvious difference.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll write novels. Maybe Poems that seek to dissect emotions. Maybe I’ll be an artist. Photographer and more… Maybe I’ll be all of these, at different phases of my life.
All I can gnaw at now is the opportunities and miracles to come. The dreams that are heading towards reality. I sit and smile at the moments to come. I imagine the beauty of vulnerability. Maybe soon I’ll be sitting with a Hispanic old man in Japan taking about what only the future knows; today this is just a dream. Maybe I’ll get a response when I go stalking Jace Norman or maybe I’ll be able to go on a trip with Ashley and Taylor. Maybe one day I’ll have a meal at Radhi’s kitchen…. I’ll travel everywhere.
Maybe soon I’ll be part of that love, light and grace filled community I long to identify with. In the open field, dancing and singing with strangers… Radiant landscapes for shoots.
Every phase seems to lead me into a better understanding of my true wants and dreams. The ones that were there before the impression the world offered me. The most beautiful part of this, is that all these visions are simple and light. Some are so far but it’s funny how close they are to our hearts; like we could delve our hands right into them and grab them.
Free soul bursting into living colours. Change is inevitable…
“I was just thinking. Thinking of this whole thing and desire. I have always desired to be free. My greatest desire was just to be free to be who my heart loves…”
It was a conscious desire that led to my hands gradually bringing into my life, all the qualities I admired.
In all, The Purple Journal is just trying to express the way her arms are opening to embrace the unknown. The Purple Journal is trying to make a landmark of a new dawn. She is trying to show you how peaceful not knowing might be. She is highlighting the existence of happiness in the midst of our inadequacies and lacks. All which is made possible when we stay grateful and open. When we finally decide not to let society determine our progress or meaning…
Hi lovelies! The month is coming to a gradual end and all I can feel now is gratitude. I haven’t seen so much around me change but one thing I am sure of is that I am not the same girl I was in August. At least I am here, typing on a blog and I wasn’t doing that last month. Last month I was wallowing in self inflicted pain and confusion….
Side Note: Please, I am begging anyone who sees this, pleaseeeeee let me know how your month is going. I am so desperate to hear from you. No matter how long the text turns out, do send it. You can leave me a mail: Destinyfelinah@gmail.com Or leave me an instagram message @_purplejournal I just really want to know how the people listening to me are doing. I want to learn more from you. I want to see what I might be doing wrong.
Now back to growth
So you’ve grown better! Yes. Whether you believe it or not, you’ve actually grown better. You have gotten more experiences. You have felt so much emotions. You’ve struggled through some task and you still got some done. When we look back at who we used to be and who we are becoming, the difference is amazing. When you look back, you notice all the things you once would put up with and now it seems like you’re ready to swing bad energy out of your life. As we grow we tend to get attracted to things that are moving towards where are are heading to. Motivational gurus will state how important it is to change our immediate community. To be around people that inspire us. They tell us how the subtle involvements does influence us.
Personally, as I have grown out of some sort of phase, I notice things I went through that seemed like a waste of time. I have noticed some things I was once interested in but have grown to realise they wouldn’t matter in a few years. I’ve dropped some addictions and pleasures. I look at some things and cringe at how immature and unnecessary they are.
I had a dialogue with myself. Before bed last night, I did try to consider the people I can’t push away from my life. The people that will always be around me (you): Family, loved friends, work mates… When we grow in certain ways (especially when the change is really visible or progressive) we tend to develop personalized metric and yardstick for acknowledging the people around us. I have talked myself into believing that this is just another phase of growth. If this phase is not handled right, we might just become toxic to the people around.
What I am trying to say is the whole idea of forcing growth on the people around us. Just because we can’t swing them out of our lives, we tend to develop an attitude geared towards moulding them into what we want them to be. Moulding them into who we think they should be. Pressuring them on how we feel they should act. Looking down on their faults. Getting agitated at their lack of response. “We” just look at so much of us we are infusing into someone’s life.
I am trying not to always make myself an example, but who else do I stay so close to? Okay, example : Lately I have been watching my junior brother who I am two years older than. We use to do so many things together. We’ll get excited about the same stupid ideas and meaningless songs. We’ll both delve into the world of aspiring to be wealthy and believe that’s all life was about. Well, I got the chance to go to the University and he’s still in highschool. I got the chance to live with different people and try ignore what I hated about them. I got the chance to see real life struggles, the chance to be depressed and the chance to seek coming out of that nightmare. In all that, I’ve grown. Most of my values, interests and ambitions have changed; I would say my life took a 360 slow turn.
I am back home for the holiday. I am living with my family again and I am trying to be a whole new me now. A new me that’s still constantly becoming new… And changing everyday.
Who wouldn’t love living in a home with very goal-oriented humans? Who wouldn’t love living in a home that supports your interests?
I have now returned with very dramatic expectations from my family. I expect them to be positive, to be loving towards themselves. To constantly fill the atmosphere with good vibes. I expect them to act right. To do the right things. I expect them to start having dreams for their lives. To start supporting each other. Embracing and loving one another. I expect my parents to be very concerned with our mental health and notice our desire to start creating our dream lives. I expect my parents to be very supportive. This is a great vision. This is a wonderful, desirable family picture. But things can also get toxic…
I look at my junior brother and try to figure out how to get him out of the silly teenage obsessions: fantasies of great cars and huge houses, expensive shoes and nice hair do. Trending fashion and upbeat rap songs that says nothing reasonable. I force my nine year old sister to stop replying to everything someone says… In essence, forcing them to grow out of their annoying teenage and childish behaviours and interests. It’s painful to admit but this is wrong no matter how many times I say, “it’s for their own good.”
Nothing teaches as great as experience. Don’t you think it will be a really dramatic lesson to teach someone how a certain pain feels. Sometimes words aren’t enough, sometimes they seem insufficient. Words could have different meanings and intensity to different ears. The best and easiest way to make them understand this pain you’re babbling about would probably be letting them feel it themselves… Feel the pain sting their emotions and linger on their skin.
I thought of how wrong what I was going was… Trying to deny them the opportunity to find meaning in pain; to find a meaning and reason to why they have to grow up. Why they have to heal. We could pray. We could guide. We could teach. We could share our experiences… But one thing I have realised is wrong is expecting a certain attitude or result from the people around us.
Just because you grew wiser doesn’t make everyone around you dumb. Just because the universe gave you your share of your lessons earlier doesn’t mean the rest of the world around you have to become extremely reasonable. It doesn’t mean they’ll share the same interests as you.
Stop forcing the people around you to grow into what you think is right. Don’t force growth on people when their souls haven’t had a reason to know they need a change.
Nobody spoke you into the confusion that led to your realization. Don’t do that to someone. Nature, The Divine, Destiny… They are all able to control human progress. They hold a core factor called timing. Don’t force someone to blend into your own time(season) of growth. Pray for them, encourage, love and rebuke them when it’s called for. Teach them. Try to help them see the big picture. But don’t, don’t, don’t pressure them into a picture in your head.
My junior brother don’t have access to some of the books I stumbled upon. He doesn’t have access to my instagram community. He doesn’t see with the same perspective as I. We don’t feel the same emotions at the same time. It’s best to let the universe speak to him in a way that he’ll understand… While I provide him with experiences and lessons I’ve learnt. While I provide him with listening ears.
How are you seeing your family and friends?
Know that you are also childish to someone who seems to have grown faster than you did. I will still struggle with this, but now I know it’s wrong.
So, this is the message from The Purple Journal today; family… They might not always understand. That’s why we have a chance to meet with like minded people… People who are seemingly in the same phase as us (friends); But don’t force your immediate community to respond like you expect. I don’t know if I was able to get the message across. Know it’s something very selfish to do. You. And me. We now have to grow from this phase. We have to learn patience and perseverance.