Tag Archives: Friends

In her September Thoughts

20 Fifth

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When you grow!

06 min read

25 September 2019

Hi lovelies!
The month is coming to a gradual end and all I can feel now is gratitude. I haven’t seen so much around me change but one thing I am sure of is that I am not the same girl I was in August. At least I am here, typing on a blog and I wasn’t doing that last month. Last month I was wallowing in self inflicted pain and confusion….

Side Note: Please, I am begging anyone who sees this, pleaseeeeee let me know how your month is going. I am so desperate to hear from you. No matter how long the text turns out, do send it. You can leave me a mail:
Destinyfelinah@gmail.com
Or leave me an instagram message
@_purplejournal
I just really want to know how the people listening to me are doing. I want to learn more from you. I want to see what I might be doing wrong.

Now back to growth


So you’ve grown better!
Yes. Whether you believe it or not, you’ve actually grown better. You have gotten more experiences. You have felt so much emotions. You’ve struggled through some task and you still got some done.
When we look back at who we used to be and who we are becoming, the difference is amazing. When you look back, you notice all the things you once would put up with and now it seems like you’re ready to swing bad energy out of your life. As we grow we tend to get attracted to things that are moving towards where are are heading to.
Motivational gurus will state how important it is to change our immediate community. To be around people that inspire us. They tell us how the subtle involvements does influence us.

Personally, as I have grown out of some sort of phase, I notice things I went through that seemed like a waste of time. I have noticed some things I was once interested in but have grown to realise they wouldn’t matter in a few years. I’ve dropped some addictions and pleasures. I look at some things and cringe at how immature and unnecessary they are.

I had a dialogue with myself. Before bed last night, I did try to consider the people I can’t push away from my life. The people that will always be around me (you): Family, loved friends, work mates…
When we grow in certain ways (especially when the change is really visible or progressive) we tend to develop personalized metric and yardstick for acknowledging the people around us. I have talked myself into believing that this is just another phase of growth. If this phase is not handled right, we might just become toxic to the people around.

What I am trying to say is the whole idea of forcing growth on the people around us. Just because we can’t swing them out of our lives, we tend to develop an attitude geared towards moulding them into what we want them to be. Moulding them into who we think they should be. Pressuring them on how we feel they should act. Looking down on their faults. Getting agitated at their lack of response. “We” just look at so much of us we are infusing into someone’s life.

I am trying not to always make myself an example, but who else do I stay so close to? Okay, example :
Lately I have been watching my junior brother who I am two years older than. We use to do so many things together. We’ll get excited about the same stupid ideas and meaningless songs. We’ll both delve into the world of aspiring to be wealthy and believe that’s all life was about. Well, I got the chance to go to the University and he’s still in highschool. I got the chance to live with different people and try ignore what I hated about them. I got the chance to see real life struggles, the chance to be depressed and the chance to seek coming out of that nightmare. In all that, I’ve grown. Most of my values, interests and ambitions have changed; I would say my life took a 360 slow turn.

I am back home for the holiday. I am living with my family again and I am trying to be a whole new me now. A new me that’s still constantly becoming new… And changing everyday.

Who wouldn’t love living in a home with very goal-oriented humans? Who wouldn’t love living in a home that supports your interests?

I have now returned with very dramatic expectations from my family. I expect them to be positive, to be loving towards themselves. To constantly fill the atmosphere with good vibes. I expect them to act right. To do the right things. I expect them to start having dreams for their lives. To start supporting each other. Embracing and loving one another. I expect my parents to be very concerned with our mental health and notice our desire to start creating our dream lives. I expect my parents to be very supportive. This is a great vision. This is a wonderful, desirable family picture. But things can also get toxic…

I look at my junior brother and try to figure out how to get him out of the silly teenage obsessions: fantasies of great cars and huge houses, expensive shoes and nice hair do. Trending fashion and upbeat rap songs that says nothing reasonable. I force my nine year old sister to stop replying to everything someone says…
In essence, forcing them to grow out of their annoying teenage and childish behaviours and interests. It’s painful to admit but this is wrong no matter how many times I say, “it’s for their own good.”

Nothing teaches as great as experience. Don’t you think it will be a really dramatic lesson to teach someone how a certain pain feels. Sometimes words aren’t enough, sometimes they seem insufficient. Words could have different meanings and intensity to different ears. The best and easiest way to make them understand this pain you’re babbling about would probably be letting them feel it themselves… Feel the pain sting their emotions and linger on their skin.

I thought of how wrong what I was going was… Trying to deny them the opportunity to find meaning in pain; to find a meaning and reason to why they have to grow up. Why they have to heal.
We could pray. We could guide. We could teach. We could share our experiences… But one thing I have realised is wrong is expecting a certain attitude or result from the people around us.

Just because you grew wiser doesn’t make everyone around you dumb. Just because the universe gave you your share of your lessons earlier doesn’t mean the rest of the world around you have to become extremely reasonable. It doesn’t mean they’ll share the same interests as you.

Stop forcing the people around you to grow into what you think is right. Don’t force growth on people when their souls haven’t had a reason to know they need a change.

Nobody spoke you into the confusion that led to your realization. Don’t do that to someone. Nature, The Divine, Destiny… They are all able to control human progress. They hold a core factor called timing. Don’t force someone to blend into your own time(season) of growth.
Pray for them, encourage, love and rebuke them when it’s called for. Teach them. Try to help them see the big picture. But don’t, don’t, don’t pressure them into a picture in your head.

My junior brother don’t have access to some of the books I stumbled upon. He doesn’t have access to my instagram community. He doesn’t see with the same perspective as I. We don’t feel the same emotions at the same time.
It’s best to let the universe speak to him in a way that he’ll understand… While I provide him with experiences and lessons I’ve learnt. While I provide him with listening ears.

How are you seeing your family and friends?

Know that you are also childish to someone who seems to have grown faster than you did. I will still struggle with this, but now I know it’s wrong.

So, this is the message from The Purple Journal today; family… They might not always understand. That’s why we have a chance to meet with like minded people… People who are seemingly in the same phase as us (friends); But don’t force your immediate community to respond like you expect.
I don’t know if I was able to get the message across. Know it’s something very selfish to do.
You. And me. We now have to grow from this phase. We have to learn patience and perseverance.

With love, light and grace

The Purple Journal.
XoXo

In her September Thoughts

11venth September

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COMMUNITY

11 September 2019

We can’t deny how beautiful solitude can be. The fact that we get more done when there is no one around our workspace is inviting. Not to mention the hidden dance moves we get to share with only ourselves, but nothing was ever established in solitude.
Things can be created in solitude but nothing was ever truly established in solitude.

Establishment itself is a pillar made of people.

Because we force ourselves to process all the success stories we see everywhere (even when in the bathroom you know someone thousand miles away that’s launching a yacht while all you’d be launching is a toilet sit) we feel rushed. We feel the world is running forward and we are the only ones sitting behind. These unrealistic expectation cause us to focus on the unrealistic instead of what is close to us. We quickly forget the joy of a community.

I believe the people you keep around you makes up your community. A community have always been known to be an unsophisticated, ordinary, small clan.
The truth is that we are not so extraordinary that means some of us still live in this ordinary small clan. Yet the type of persons we keep around us determine how long we’ll stay in the ordinary.

A community helps you grow, they slowly journey towards improvement.
In the reality the thing people call extraordinary is just long moments of perseverance. Those mediocre, ordinary days with little unseen improvement makes up the big extraordinary reality.

In this process we forget to put ourselves out there even with our inadequacies and imperfections.
It’s a water me, I water you movement. The clouds never rush.
These people you are able to laugh with in the hard days, these people that listen to all your complains about life, the ones you call for help, the ones that make you crack a rip and even cry, the ones that challenge you, inspire you, motivate you and even forces you to improve… They are the underestimated growth factors.

There should be moments of talking to people, there should be moments of giving the little you have.
Go out and do the simple you can. A community is made up of ordinary people doing the little ordinary things they can. What happens when you add together so much little things? They grow to make something bigger….

In a community when you’re weak, they might be stronger than you… And when they are weak, you see your strength and abilities come alive.
Wouldn’t it be fulfilling to be able to help someone break down. In the times of human pains, there are thousands of words ready to be said. The mouth wants to be free and the heart also wants to be free. The eyes wants to express and every part of the body is itching to release.
Wouldn’t it be nice to help. To say the words the person in pain just couldn’t say. Won’t it be kind to help them speak while they help themselve cry and feel.
A sense of belonging. A sense of support. A sense of community.
A simple way to meet a complicated human need.

Today has been a day of reflecting on my past emotions… And it’s been relieving. I don’t feel like saying much today but it’s still a challenge and I took it.

P. S Today’s blog featured image was taken with my mobile phone and edited by me and I feel accomplished. It’s a wonder where this feeling came from.

In her September Thoughts

7eventh September

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The Stalker

Reaching out to people

Being called a weirdo more than I have sneezed have led to so much destruction to my self image. The important fact here is that I am healing and so are you. It’s a chance that comes with each day.
In this process of healing and finding answers to your persistent questions, communication is key.
In my yesterday’s article, I spoke about the gradual steps we can take to grow in the process phase of living. One of which I’ve been practising lately; communication.

In times of struggles and confusion it is good psychology to ask questions. Instead of chasing all you wish to do and comparing yourself to people you admire, it will be wise to reach out as much as possible and ask questions (there are still nice people in the world)

Two nights ago I was reading Mark Manson’s book just before bed. This part was centered on problem solving and I decided to carry out a small exercise before bed. I opened up a fresh page in my journal and tried to pen down all my disturbing problems, then the magic happened; I couldn’t just find them anymore. I found it silly that they weren’t coming off because I new they existed. They hunted me for crying out loud, I do feel them but I couldn’t just write them down. The ones I listed sounded more like me nagging.
Sillly world.
Have you been here before?

I have to tell you that this weird you, does have a twin. There’s someone out there ready to figure out your problems with you. Someone will fall in love with the real weird you.
That night I realised your problems show themselves when you’re not trying to find them. They pop up while you’re complaining and discussing… not when you’re with a pen trying to stab them right in the eye.

Problems are hot chicks that love to be acknowledged

Communication helps healing. It is an exercise that opens your subconscious and your vulnerabilities. Talking to the right person sure helps you figure out your problems.
It’s more like an interview where every complain you drop is being questioned and just like a mother onion, every layer of your complain is being opened until you get to the core problem.
This thought was born from a conversation I had last night that left me ecstatic.
Sometimes we know what to do but don’t just do them till someone makes us know we have to take it seriously; that’s what my conversation with Elizabeth did for me. This is what the purple journal is about: helping you remember and take seriously all the things you know.

Thanks to Elizabeth’s readiness to listen to someone, most of my problems have been figured out and new commitments have been resolved.
I offer you what Elizabeth offered me last night:
How about you do this, take a break.

I accepted the break and asked her what it’s going to be like. Here are a few of my new commitments I’ll be taking down along side my September thoughts challenge:

  • I’m going to stop constantly stressing and pondering on what to do and start.
  • Take care of myself: That includes a new interest in body care and outfits. I hardly care about my outfit or appearance and for a growing lady, that’s too bad. I’ve been made fun of for appearing so unkempt, therefore it’s high time I grow up and start appearing intentional instead of looking like a chased mother hen. At least I’m sure my mom will notice this change.
  • Learn: Instead of comparing and drooling over someone’s success, I’m going to take my stalking to the next level and really send off direct messages. There’s no harm in trying.
  • Read: I’m about to step up my reading game. Just like what Aileen suggested, I’m going to read broad and far at my own pace.
  • Podcasts: For an intending podcaster like me, it will be nice to learn by listening. I already have a list if podcasts to take seriously and that includes: Age of minority podcast, Lavendaire podcast, Hope and prose podcast… and more by popular successful people and ministers.
  • YouTube videos : My data will perish but those videos will let my creative vision bloom. Just sitting back and watch people do their thing!
  • Plant: I’ll keep trying to build my in house plants
  • Music: I have more foreign music to catch up on. Even though I have no idea what the language is saying it sure sounds pretty to my ears…

Just merely a decision to sit back and relax. To use the available resources I have no matter how inadequate they are; That’s what artists do.

Learning can be tedious to me but by watching and following great people of our interest you never can tell when you’re learning or having fun.

We sure knew all these before now but that’s the point; to remind us and make us take them seriously.
You can never be too late. Take it easy, this is the process zone where we just live and things unfold by being intentional.

I designed a list of these new routines and before the end of today it’ll be hanging on the purple walls of my small room.
I do pray for the grace and strength to just hold on and stay committed to the small hard things.

Elizabeth Adewale is a beautiful young woman. She’s a new age blogger and mobile photographer. And what I love about her the most is that she’s trying to grow and she’s ready to help.
One of my favorite part of our conversation was when she said,
“Because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you can’t help others that are also struggling…”


That’s bold. That’s brave and that’s what I’m moving towards.
You can check her instagram page:
@theelizabethadewale

You can also visit her blog.

here’s another amazing person you can check out on instagram @Oliviamorganwhite

Now go out there and be a bold brave curious not so annoying stalker! (I’m literally screaming) Start by building your community.

P. S This is not a sponsored post Just mere recommendations

feels good…..