Tag Archives: Growing

Productivity, Timely Series

Life Reset At Eighteen!

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I am holding up for a LIFE RESET AT 18.

First, I’ll love to scream this, “I’m back!”. This writer is resurrected, I pray.

Hurray to you all like me looking forward to a life reset as you turn big 18 [and those anticipating 18].
Age eighteen is society’s golden age, most of us “day old eighteens” are busy trying to pull the best outfit, the best party and share the most gorgeous images straight out of the studio. Nice one.


If you are a control and productivity fanatic like me, well, you are definitely not alone. Welcome. Here’s a ghost cup of coffee, tea [or any refreshment you love] sit back, relax, I will just roll over a fresh canvas and we can start this reset art.


Why am I looking forward to a life reset?


You see, big eighteen is society’s grand license to more expectations and it’s not easy to skip on the demands pilling up from yourself to do better.
No pressure. I’m not pressuring myself or expecting myself to figure everything out, no. I just did a good reflection and saw some flaws in my character that I’m paying for with my fulfillment as a young person.


This is my personal way of giving myself another chance to start all over again with all the qualities I took for granted: actions, boldness, consistency, discipline, commitment, systems, and so on. If I don’t declare a reset I’ll feel uneasy and like I’m just trying to mend old failures but what I want is a new person trying to be better as an individual… bringing to life with baby steps all the characteristics and disposition I’ll love to see in myself.
It would not be hasty; it will not be perfect [though I love the idea of perfect]. It will be struggling to choose commitment daily as much as I can. It will be doing the work rather than just making endless lists.
Your turn. What is your why?

How am I carrying out this reset?

My photo before 12:00am
  • WRITING X JOURNALING


For the past 10 days before my birthday, I tried putting down in a digital notepad [keep notes] all my reflections and thoughts I had about the coming big 18 and ending 17. This helped me with a glimpse of clarity in what I think I did wrong, did right and what I will love to change; then came a list of things I’ll want to do.
So:
I created a random document in my phone called “life reset” and dropped an idea of what I’ll like to do whenever the idea came and after a while I tried considering and organizing the events.

  • DECLUTTER
From google


Believe me this was a big deal to me. I am yet to see some of the results but there is peace in knowing you have less around you. It makes sense that as you try to RESET, you take out things that you don’t use anymore or you are no longer acquainted with. It ushers in that sense of freshness and newness. Try not to go overboard with this or analyze this too much. Try not to remove things that you’ll regret, just remove whatever you know is not necessary.

Here is what I did:

I deleted contacts that I didn’t use frequently and those I had second thoughts about; I wrote them down in the contact form at the back of my journal just in case the need for them arises. Believe me I wanted to remove so much more than I already did but some acquaintances need to stay even though communication is not frequent example course mates, and people that think they know you but don’t.
I deleted videos, images, messages, apps, files, SONGS. I love music; so much. But I knew I had to let go of those songs I’m so quick to next when they start playing. What is the use of having a long list of songs when you’re always skipping a lot [I can always download again when I finally miss them]. This felt hard at first but after then, I felt really good.

I know I will still do more of decluttering because of the fresh feeling it holds. I’m looking forward to library and wardrobe declutter once I am ready for thrift shopping.
The act of decluttering did set that vibe of a rest… The mood was ignited. That’s pretty much it [for me at least]

  • BIG CHANGE


I FINALLY came up with what all this was about. Why? Why do I want to change? Goals and tasks are based on a central desire. Choosing that desire automatically puts you through your goals when systems are created. Mine was:


▪️Reducing procrastination as much as possible.
▪️Growing discipline
▪️Taking more actions more than I make lists and goals. That is, being less passive and more active.

And the plan here was to stick with taking baby steps DAILY until I sink into autopilot.

  • SHEDULES AND ROUTINES


OKAY, I am still in the process of creating a functioning, realistic and productive schedule and building it into a routine. My goal for this routine is:

to know what to do and realize the time for actions, not necessary living an adventure-free routine life. No, just scheduling my activities and guarding those times least I neglect my commitments.


I have certainly asked myself, are you ready to commit? And I try to say to myself, that no matter how small and mundane these tasks may seem, it is not here to give me glory but to help mould my character as a young adult.

I am yet to establish these routines but I hope it goes well and I HOPE to stay committed daily and I won’t feel to make adjustments if any time block fails.
I am going to adopt the pomodoro method of getting this done [tomato unit 🍅] and soon enough I’ll have feedbacks. Also, I’ll be scheduling specific tasks for specific time blocks.

Be sure to watch youtube videos, ask question to both trusted people and google [yet guard your choices]. Get to know how others are pulling through. All these will open you to new ideas you’ll love to test.

  • BOOKS

IN ALL you do, never neglect reading books. Make it a frequent task as much as you can. As for me:
I will be exploring classic novels and financial books, I pray and I will try to take aesthetically pleasing photos of which ever I engage in [for the gram and my eyes].

Try as much as possible to explore new genres of books as this might open you to new interests or ideas.

  • LANGUAGE


YES I will be learning a new language and I think you should. I am doing this clearly from my love of accents, polyglots and playing characters. They say passion is not enough so I have gone to google and searched up,

“Why it is important that I learn a second language”.

There you have it. As for me, my first pick is Spanish for a second language. So please remind me I am a becoming student of Spanish, gracias. I am about to buy a cheap Spanish lesson notebook which I’ll be using for this long journey. And I hope to make a future blog post on my progress and process under the category productivity and growth. Speaking of categories…

  • THE BIBLE
  • I have not been reading my Bible and that has to change. Whether it was born from my reflection or from God’s will… It remains beautiful

I have not been reading my Bible and that has to change. Whether it was born from my reflection or from God’s will… It remains beautiful. Recently I kept wondering why I am a fanatic for romance and for love in general, love displayed in life overall. I concluded that I might just be in love with love itself… Within a moment of epiphany I realized that God is love and Jesus must be real. I realized that it could be Jesus himself showing me the beauty of love: who he is himself and why I should love. I choose faith, I choose to love him because he loved me first… And I’m reading the Bible to learn how to love, to change into all those qualities I admire. I choose to grow in love

  • CATEGORIES

I HAVE temporarily categorized my actions and focus into the following: productivity, language, school, reading, socials, spiritual, photography, and looks. It’s not fixed, things can change, and this will help me organize my actions, mobile space and information.

TYPYING ALL these now just showed me how much I am planning on committing to. This would SURELY not be easy because I am a respectable, high ranked, professional procrastinator and planner without major actions. But then again, that’s it. That’s what I desperately want to change.

I hope to share my progress via my instagram account and brush that one a bit as I am a lover of aesthetically pleasing photos.

Due to the Coronavirus pandemic my plan of purchasing a camera and learning editing has been suspended till further notice.


I HOPE to keep up with school work and study my bible frequently. All these, I wish to DO, key word, DO.
It’s been a long chat, I forgot to refill your cup of tea [or whatever you may be drinking], forgive my manners. It’s been a pleasure chatting with you on my birthday and new age.

Above all, I pray I don’t sleep out of my commitments for I will deeply break my heart and accountability all over again.
And like I said before, Baby steps, that’s just what it is.

Blossom

X

In her September Thoughts, Welcomes

Journals and New Leaves

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Long September, new October.

Grow gently and truly
By Destiny Felinah

When the sun came up today, I looked up at the sky and asked, “God where are you taking me now? ” The best part of this question was that I had a smile on my face as I asked the question. It was a special kind of question because I didn’t know the answer but I knew it would be amazing and beautiful… And I was aware it wasn’t going to be easy. I was aware that soon I was going to break down again but it’ll lead me to a whole new ground that stimulates goose bump and happy tears.

September is not going to come around again. This september is gone forever and I am relaxed at the thought that I have no regrets. None.

I don’t regret the shift of goals. I don’t regret the moments I spent doing nothing.
On the last day of August I had drafted a mini plan; a plan highlighting the biggest things I wanted to do (I had planned starting a podcast). The month of September went in a way I never imagined and also in a way I imagined. I discovered much more than I thought I would, I found new parts of myself and I was still able to do some of the things I planned doing (finishing the book of John, first Timothy and Second Timothy).

It was a moment when I gave myself a chance. When I stayed in solitude sometimes just to embrace myself. Where I had deep thoughts and hard truths.

I may not have started a podcast but I did go through a healing process; like a series of mindset bath. I feel like all the right things happened (even the bad days). This only makes me hold on tighter to my new, favourite mantra :
“Trust the future to be beautiful. It may not go as you imagined but it will still be beautiful. You might walk a different path you never thought you’ll walk but you’ll still meet a beautiful end… “

We have gotten to the end of the September Challenge (In her September thoughts). This is not a goodbye but it’s the end of September.

On the bright side, it’s a new beginning with new chances and experiences. It’s fresh with new lessons and pain lying ahead.
In summary, life is worth it.

THROUGH OUT THE MONTH OF SEPTEMBER, I HAVE :

  • experienced more of peace and hope.
  • Been able to experience healing in my thoughts and emotions. I have started my journey away from self-pressure.
  • Been able to create contents for this new blog.
  • Do things even when I don’t feel like it.
  • Spend my time with God and His word. And I found fun ways to be with Him. I have been really open to God with my doubts and confusions about Him and I watched Him provide some answers (and when I had no answers, I watched trust and faith take over).
  • I have read books religiously.
  • I have heard from new amazing people and sent direct messages.
  • Discovered more of who I want to be and where I want to be.
  • Been watching my true attitude and behaviours and I’m trying to be honest to myself about the ugly sides (very discomforting).
Call me sunshine. I love colours

This is not the end of The Purple Journal, It’s a new beginning… Again, I’m proud of the photos.

With Love, Light, Grace…

From The Purple Journal.

XOXO

In her September Thoughts

9ineTh September

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2ND WEEK OF SEPTEMBER
THROUGH OUT THE FIRST WEEK, I HAVE:

  1. Lived a very intentional life, everyday.
  2. Exercised my writing habit for people.
  3. Had really deep thoughts about my life (which was a bit frustrating and tiring)
  4. Taken my time to appreciate my surroundings and see the beauty of creation.
  5. Managed to stay off social media during the day.
  6. Tried to build my faith and back it up with reasons that are meaningful to me.
  7. Had nice conversations with some of the people I was stalking.
  8. Prayed for someone each day (amazing if you asked me)
    Not so much but let’s see how this week goes…

GROWING PAINS


I have seen the term Growing Pains but I never really checked out what it meant because from the first day I set my wandering eyes on it, I registered one thing: It was what I was feeling everyday.
In this fast paced world with different shades of the same thing, it’s easy to loose yourself.

I dedicate my today’s thoughts to any one feeling depressed. This is in respect of this week, Suicide prevention week.
There are more than a thousand reasons for teens, young adults and even aged adults to be depressed. My focus for today is being depressed because of your growing pains.

Growth as I have experienced is not easy. There is the part where you have decided to make good use of your life, you’ve decided to be useful to the earth, you’re ready to do hard and amazing cool things but it feels like the whole of earth is against you because you don’t even know what to do, not to say you don’t even know where to start. Your mind is not helping you because you can’t even see a map of where you’re going to. This is depressing for people looking out for how they can start building their dream life. This feeling of being too dumb to figure things out and the feeling of not being good enough is bad on our self image and growth.

Here is a fast thing I want to say:
I have been deeply depressed. The one that doesn’t have to do with anybody else but yourself. There was no other person to be angry and furious at but myself. I felt like only me can help me figure out my life but I was being too dumb to even answer questions about myself. Questions like, what do you love doing, what are you good at; these questions were disturbing to me because I just couldn’t find the answers no matter how much I thought about them. My mind became a battle ground for angry thoughts and that made me feel a very obvious void in my chest. Like hot gases swirling in my chest and stomach. It was a living nightmare.
There are more hurtful reasons to be depressed but we can’t lie that it always boils down to one thing: the thought that we could just let go of our miserable lives already.

I thought of suicide, it looked inviting to me but I just couldn’t do it for a simple reason that if hell did exist, I didn’t deserve to go to hell. I believed I had already gone through so much emotional pain here on earth and I didn’t deserve another fleet of pain in hell. If suicide did lead to hell, I wasn’t going to take that root. The whole essence of dying was so I can find rest not pain.

I took another root. I stayed with the pain long enough to know it waan’t normal. I reached out to a woman I didn’t know but works in my school’s Medical Center. She felt pity for me, she was the right person and I didn’t plan talking to her. I just walked down to the Medical Center, opened the door and said “I need help”. While she was telling me the doctors were not in, she saw the silent tears and asked me to take a sit. We went through God’s word, the bible and we prayed.
The pain didn’t go away immediately, it didn’t go away for days, months; but I had a hope that it was going to go no matter how long it took. I felt truly lighter.

I didn’t plan saying so much of the story, but there goes nothing. This is not all, the story is darker and longer than this but here’s the next thing I want to paint in your hearts:
I am happy I was depressed. I am grateful to God for letting depression crawl into my soul. Why? Because that’s what growth is all about. It’s about knowing something is wrong and seeking for answers and solutions rather than running away from it. It’s about being strong, remaining in a skin you wish to run away from, long enough to be able to control that skin. It’s about adapting to the language of growth which is pain and discomfort.
If I was not depressed, I wouldn’t have had a soft spot for human suffering. I wouldn’t be reading books and seeking principles. I wouldn’t be taking the next step towards finding my life path.

Although I am not a Buddhist, the Buddha once said, “Pain is inevitable ” and this is a general truth. It should be a mindset we carry about. It’s a mindset for survivors and we all know from the cave men days, life has been about adaptation and survival. Preys find ways to block off predators and even a prey can switch to be a predator if it finds its strength; Else how do you explain large HUMANS fighting BACTERIA.

From biology class, I was thought that vaccination is introducing a weaker bacteria into a human’s system so the immune system adapts to fighting that bacteria, this helps build immunity against stronger bacteria. This is how growth works… If you desire to grow you have to learn how to adapt to pain because pain can never go away. Evil will keep coming. You’ll face greater disappointments, heartbreaks, loss… More people will die and the economy will keep falling and rising.

Pain is not here to kill you. It only tells you the limit is being exceeded and change needs to happen. Something needs to be done.
Because I hanged on long enough to survive, I have realised that every down moment comes with a new level. I passed over my first depression. More darker ones might come in the future but I have a lesson engraved in my memory of depression.
When the growing pains I feel gets too much, I am reminded by my scars that a new version of me is being born. In the pain I find my distraction from anticipating the new version of me. And I am not going to settle for any negative version.
At least I’ll have a good story to tell. I’ll be able to genuinely pat someone on the back and wipe off a tear from another growing soul.

Hang on. Earth is still learning how to accommodate humans…

  • written note to myself during my depressed days. Full emotion expression found in commful. To check out the post on commuful put my name into the search icon

To write love on her arms (twloha) is a community that tries to save more people from picking suicide over growing. They Try to create suicide awareness and share survivors stories. In respect to suicide prevention week you can check them out on instagram @twloha
Also follow and use the hash tag:

#youmaketodaybetter

You make today better. The world is better because you’re adapting and growing.

In her September Thoughts

4ourTh SepteMber

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04 September 2019
Maybe today wasn’t so great. Maybe it was.
Today is not a day I can call productive, except stalking successful people became something amazingly productive.
In the process of becoming, I have stopped at different junctions. I have screamed at several junctions just to justify my frustration.

The part I’ll not forget is the part where you see other people living your dreams already. This will not be toxic for you if you stick to being happy they’re making it rather than comparing. This is pretty hard but it’s the right thing to do.
Well, in other to become what you desire … I think it’s necessary to stalk and admire and simply see how others live your dreams. If this doesn’t happen you wouldn’t really know what your dreams look like. You’ve got to see other people rock it better.

Mark Manson has led me through the acknowledgement of our innate human languages: pain, suffering, being unsatisfied e.t.c. Satisfaction, fulfilment and happiness are not constant, it’s a constant walk towards them.

I downloaded a piece title peaceful relaxing soothing… It will be playing for over one hour and for the next one hour I pray I don’t over analyse my invisible work and progress. Maybe all I want to do is drown and feel the words in the title of this tune I downloaded. Like nothing ever happened. Like I don’t feel frustrated. Like the money I spent on purchasing the data I used for simply stalking the internet will turn into an investment.
So much cash, that I don’t have. So all that’s left to investing is my time, mind and emotions. Maybe the tune turned intoxicating cause my hands are just dancing on the keyboard while my eyes are staring at the words I am creating on the white screen.
Just right now, it started raining and the lights went out. Some things will never stop seeming magical… I
I just…

P. S Sorry this post is too personal and….

But that’s what this month’s for. I have to write everyday. It’s a challenge and I took it. And whether it makes sense or not, I AM POSTING IT!

NOTE: The post picture was not taken by me.

Fighting!