Tag Archives: Love

Productivity, Timely Series

Life Reset At Eighteen!

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I am holding up for a LIFE RESET AT 18.

First, I’ll love to scream this, “I’m back!”. This writer is resurrected, I pray.

Hurray to you all like me looking forward to a life reset as you turn big 18 [and those anticipating 18].
Age eighteen is society’s golden age, most of us “day old eighteens” are busy trying to pull the best outfit, the best party and share the most gorgeous images straight out of the studio. Nice one.


If you are a control and productivity fanatic like me, well, you are definitely not alone. Welcome. Here’s a ghost cup of coffee, tea [or any refreshment you love] sit back, relax, I will just roll over a fresh canvas and we can start this reset art.


Why am I looking forward to a life reset?


You see, big eighteen is society’s grand license to more expectations and it’s not easy to skip on the demands pilling up from yourself to do better.
No pressure. I’m not pressuring myself or expecting myself to figure everything out, no. I just did a good reflection and saw some flaws in my character that I’m paying for with my fulfillment as a young person.


This is my personal way of giving myself another chance to start all over again with all the qualities I took for granted: actions, boldness, consistency, discipline, commitment, systems, and so on. If I don’t declare a reset I’ll feel uneasy and like I’m just trying to mend old failures but what I want is a new person trying to be better as an individual… bringing to life with baby steps all the characteristics and disposition I’ll love to see in myself.
It would not be hasty; it will not be perfect [though I love the idea of perfect]. It will be struggling to choose commitment daily as much as I can. It will be doing the work rather than just making endless lists.
Your turn. What is your why?

How am I carrying out this reset?

My photo before 12:00am
  • WRITING X JOURNALING


For the past 10 days before my birthday, I tried putting down in a digital notepad [keep notes] all my reflections and thoughts I had about the coming big 18 and ending 17. This helped me with a glimpse of clarity in what I think I did wrong, did right and what I will love to change; then came a list of things I’ll want to do.
So:
I created a random document in my phone called “life reset” and dropped an idea of what I’ll like to do whenever the idea came and after a while I tried considering and organizing the events.

  • DECLUTTER
From google


Believe me this was a big deal to me. I am yet to see some of the results but there is peace in knowing you have less around you. It makes sense that as you try to RESET, you take out things that you don’t use anymore or you are no longer acquainted with. It ushers in that sense of freshness and newness. Try not to go overboard with this or analyze this too much. Try not to remove things that you’ll regret, just remove whatever you know is not necessary.

Here is what I did:

I deleted contacts that I didn’t use frequently and those I had second thoughts about; I wrote them down in the contact form at the back of my journal just in case the need for them arises. Believe me I wanted to remove so much more than I already did but some acquaintances need to stay even though communication is not frequent example course mates, and people that think they know you but don’t.
I deleted videos, images, messages, apps, files, SONGS. I love music; so much. But I knew I had to let go of those songs I’m so quick to next when they start playing. What is the use of having a long list of songs when you’re always skipping a lot [I can always download again when I finally miss them]. This felt hard at first but after then, I felt really good.

I know I will still do more of decluttering because of the fresh feeling it holds. I’m looking forward to library and wardrobe declutter once I am ready for thrift shopping.
The act of decluttering did set that vibe of a rest… The mood was ignited. That’s pretty much it [for me at least]

  • BIG CHANGE


I FINALLY came up with what all this was about. Why? Why do I want to change? Goals and tasks are based on a central desire. Choosing that desire automatically puts you through your goals when systems are created. Mine was:


▪️Reducing procrastination as much as possible.
▪️Growing discipline
▪️Taking more actions more than I make lists and goals. That is, being less passive and more active.

And the plan here was to stick with taking baby steps DAILY until I sink into autopilot.

  • SHEDULES AND ROUTINES


OKAY, I am still in the process of creating a functioning, realistic and productive schedule and building it into a routine. My goal for this routine is:

to know what to do and realize the time for actions, not necessary living an adventure-free routine life. No, just scheduling my activities and guarding those times least I neglect my commitments.


I have certainly asked myself, are you ready to commit? And I try to say to myself, that no matter how small and mundane these tasks may seem, it is not here to give me glory but to help mould my character as a young adult.

I am yet to establish these routines but I hope it goes well and I HOPE to stay committed daily and I won’t feel to make adjustments if any time block fails.
I am going to adopt the pomodoro method of getting this done [tomato unit 🍅] and soon enough I’ll have feedbacks. Also, I’ll be scheduling specific tasks for specific time blocks.

Be sure to watch youtube videos, ask question to both trusted people and google [yet guard your choices]. Get to know how others are pulling through. All these will open you to new ideas you’ll love to test.

  • BOOKS

IN ALL you do, never neglect reading books. Make it a frequent task as much as you can. As for me:
I will be exploring classic novels and financial books, I pray and I will try to take aesthetically pleasing photos of which ever I engage in [for the gram and my eyes].

Try as much as possible to explore new genres of books as this might open you to new interests or ideas.

  • LANGUAGE


YES I will be learning a new language and I think you should. I am doing this clearly from my love of accents, polyglots and playing characters. They say passion is not enough so I have gone to google and searched up,

“Why it is important that I learn a second language”.

There you have it. As for me, my first pick is Spanish for a second language. So please remind me I am a becoming student of Spanish, gracias. I am about to buy a cheap Spanish lesson notebook which I’ll be using for this long journey. And I hope to make a future blog post on my progress and process under the category productivity and growth. Speaking of categories…

  • THE BIBLE
  • I have not been reading my Bible and that has to change. Whether it was born from my reflection or from God’s will… It remains beautiful

I have not been reading my Bible and that has to change. Whether it was born from my reflection or from God’s will… It remains beautiful. Recently I kept wondering why I am a fanatic for romance and for love in general, love displayed in life overall. I concluded that I might just be in love with love itself… Within a moment of epiphany I realized that God is love and Jesus must be real. I realized that it could be Jesus himself showing me the beauty of love: who he is himself and why I should love. I choose faith, I choose to love him because he loved me first… And I’m reading the Bible to learn how to love, to change into all those qualities I admire. I choose to grow in love

  • CATEGORIES

I HAVE temporarily categorized my actions and focus into the following: productivity, language, school, reading, socials, spiritual, photography, and looks. It’s not fixed, things can change, and this will help me organize my actions, mobile space and information.

TYPYING ALL these now just showed me how much I am planning on committing to. This would SURELY not be easy because I am a respectable, high ranked, professional procrastinator and planner without major actions. But then again, that’s it. That’s what I desperately want to change.

I hope to share my progress via my instagram account and brush that one a bit as I am a lover of aesthetically pleasing photos.

Due to the Coronavirus pandemic my plan of purchasing a camera and learning editing has been suspended till further notice.


I HOPE to keep up with school work and study my bible frequently. All these, I wish to DO, key word, DO.
It’s been a long chat, I forgot to refill your cup of tea [or whatever you may be drinking], forgive my manners. It’s been a pleasure chatting with you on my birthday and new age.

Above all, I pray I don’t sleep out of my commitments for I will deeply break my heart and accountability all over again.
And like I said before, Baby steps, that’s just what it is.

Blossom

X

In her September Thoughts

20 Fifth

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When you grow!

06 min read

25 September 2019

Hi lovelies!
The month is coming to a gradual end and all I can feel now is gratitude. I haven’t seen so much around me change but one thing I am sure of is that I am not the same girl I was in August. At least I am here, typing on a blog and I wasn’t doing that last month. Last month I was wallowing in self inflicted pain and confusion….

Side Note: Please, I am begging anyone who sees this, pleaseeeeee let me know how your month is going. I am so desperate to hear from you. No matter how long the text turns out, do send it. You can leave me a mail:
Destinyfelinah@gmail.com
Or leave me an instagram message
@_purplejournal
I just really want to know how the people listening to me are doing. I want to learn more from you. I want to see what I might be doing wrong.

Now back to growth


So you’ve grown better!
Yes. Whether you believe it or not, you’ve actually grown better. You have gotten more experiences. You have felt so much emotions. You’ve struggled through some task and you still got some done.
When we look back at who we used to be and who we are becoming, the difference is amazing. When you look back, you notice all the things you once would put up with and now it seems like you’re ready to swing bad energy out of your life. As we grow we tend to get attracted to things that are moving towards where are are heading to.
Motivational gurus will state how important it is to change our immediate community. To be around people that inspire us. They tell us how the subtle involvements does influence us.

Personally, as I have grown out of some sort of phase, I notice things I went through that seemed like a waste of time. I have noticed some things I was once interested in but have grown to realise they wouldn’t matter in a few years. I’ve dropped some addictions and pleasures. I look at some things and cringe at how immature and unnecessary they are.

I had a dialogue with myself. Before bed last night, I did try to consider the people I can’t push away from my life. The people that will always be around me (you): Family, loved friends, work mates…
When we grow in certain ways (especially when the change is really visible or progressive) we tend to develop personalized metric and yardstick for acknowledging the people around us. I have talked myself into believing that this is just another phase of growth. If this phase is not handled right, we might just become toxic to the people around.

What I am trying to say is the whole idea of forcing growth on the people around us. Just because we can’t swing them out of our lives, we tend to develop an attitude geared towards moulding them into what we want them to be. Moulding them into who we think they should be. Pressuring them on how we feel they should act. Looking down on their faults. Getting agitated at their lack of response. “We” just look at so much of us we are infusing into someone’s life.

I am trying not to always make myself an example, but who else do I stay so close to? Okay, example :
Lately I have been watching my junior brother who I am two years older than. We use to do so many things together. We’ll get excited about the same stupid ideas and meaningless songs. We’ll both delve into the world of aspiring to be wealthy and believe that’s all life was about. Well, I got the chance to go to the University and he’s still in highschool. I got the chance to live with different people and try ignore what I hated about them. I got the chance to see real life struggles, the chance to be depressed and the chance to seek coming out of that nightmare. In all that, I’ve grown. Most of my values, interests and ambitions have changed; I would say my life took a 360 slow turn.

I am back home for the holiday. I am living with my family again and I am trying to be a whole new me now. A new me that’s still constantly becoming new… And changing everyday.

Who wouldn’t love living in a home with very goal-oriented humans? Who wouldn’t love living in a home that supports your interests?

I have now returned with very dramatic expectations from my family. I expect them to be positive, to be loving towards themselves. To constantly fill the atmosphere with good vibes. I expect them to act right. To do the right things. I expect them to start having dreams for their lives. To start supporting each other. Embracing and loving one another. I expect my parents to be very concerned with our mental health and notice our desire to start creating our dream lives. I expect my parents to be very supportive. This is a great vision. This is a wonderful, desirable family picture. But things can also get toxic…

I look at my junior brother and try to figure out how to get him out of the silly teenage obsessions: fantasies of great cars and huge houses, expensive shoes and nice hair do. Trending fashion and upbeat rap songs that says nothing reasonable. I force my nine year old sister to stop replying to everything someone says…
In essence, forcing them to grow out of their annoying teenage and childish behaviours and interests. It’s painful to admit but this is wrong no matter how many times I say, “it’s for their own good.”

Nothing teaches as great as experience. Don’t you think it will be a really dramatic lesson to teach someone how a certain pain feels. Sometimes words aren’t enough, sometimes they seem insufficient. Words could have different meanings and intensity to different ears. The best and easiest way to make them understand this pain you’re babbling about would probably be letting them feel it themselves… Feel the pain sting their emotions and linger on their skin.

I thought of how wrong what I was going was… Trying to deny them the opportunity to find meaning in pain; to find a meaning and reason to why they have to grow up. Why they have to heal.
We could pray. We could guide. We could teach. We could share our experiences… But one thing I have realised is wrong is expecting a certain attitude or result from the people around us.

Just because you grew wiser doesn’t make everyone around you dumb. Just because the universe gave you your share of your lessons earlier doesn’t mean the rest of the world around you have to become extremely reasonable. It doesn’t mean they’ll share the same interests as you.

Stop forcing the people around you to grow into what you think is right. Don’t force growth on people when their souls haven’t had a reason to know they need a change.

Nobody spoke you into the confusion that led to your realization. Don’t do that to someone. Nature, The Divine, Destiny… They are all able to control human progress. They hold a core factor called timing. Don’t force someone to blend into your own time(season) of growth.
Pray for them, encourage, love and rebuke them when it’s called for. Teach them. Try to help them see the big picture. But don’t, don’t, don’t pressure them into a picture in your head.

My junior brother don’t have access to some of the books I stumbled upon. He doesn’t have access to my instagram community. He doesn’t see with the same perspective as I. We don’t feel the same emotions at the same time.
It’s best to let the universe speak to him in a way that he’ll understand… While I provide him with experiences and lessons I’ve learnt. While I provide him with listening ears.

How are you seeing your family and friends?

Know that you are also childish to someone who seems to have grown faster than you did. I will still struggle with this, but now I know it’s wrong.

So, this is the message from The Purple Journal today; family… They might not always understand. That’s why we have a chance to meet with like minded people… People who are seemingly in the same phase as us (friends); But don’t force your immediate community to respond like you expect.
I don’t know if I was able to get the message across. Know it’s something very selfish to do.
You. And me. We now have to grow from this phase. We have to learn patience and perseverance.

With love, light and grace

The Purple Journal.
XoXo

In her September Thoughts

13irteenTh September

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DO-MORE SYNDROME

13 September 2019

Do you feel restless and guilty when you’re not up to something? Have society stolen the joy of just being from you? Do you feel like you will never amount to anything because you’re simply not doing anything noteworthy now? Are you hurt?
Are you faced with what I resolved this morning to calling the Do-more syndrome?

It’s every where, in every story, every motivational line and dose. But is it worth the stress?

Here’s the thing, Philip has turned out to look like the ultimate goal getter. He has lines of journals with entries and ideas and he is moving towards it. He has eaten the Do-more message long enough to ignore every opposition. He sounds more like…
“This might be the only way and I’m taking it down.”
Thing is, he never gets satisfied. And though he has been up and doing always, he still doesn’t have any solid grip on any of his supposed achievement. There is nothing grand to right home about so he flushed every second of movement down in the toilet. There is no fulfilment, no acknowledgement, therefore he’s got to do more, think faster and smarter…. He’s got to slap the answers right our of his brains whether he does have the answers or not.
The legend we are all trying to be… The do-more strategist.
“If it’s not working, just don’t give up… Do more! “
Who else eats this message daily. The reason sitting down and doing nothing has become a sign of worthless and uselessness.
Phillip took the hard road, got knocked by a bus but he’s till moving. He’s got to do more. He had a cut right through his stomach last night but he’s got to aggrandize himself. He’s got something to prove. He’s got to prove he’s got success in his DNA. He feels entitled to recognition just like the other stars.
He rolled off the ladder while trying but he’s not letting go. He’s got cuts and wounds with massive release of blood but he’s still moving. Dripping red all over his path. The cuts are so deep you wouldn’t see it; I think it pierced right through his soul and left scars on his self image but he’s got to be strong… Go getter! Do-more syndrome man.

He will later end up on a far away medical bed. The one not seen around… Soon he’ll have doctors fighting to keep his wounded soul in his ripped body. I don’t know if he’ll give up and let the ghost go. I don’t know if he’ll keep fighting. I could relate to his mantra and blood, so I walked away… It was too brutal and I had to get a check up.
Are you Philip?

What will be the gain if gaining this fulfilment will leave you broken. When will you stop measuring your fulfilment on societal standards? When will you just let yourself grow?
Don’t you have any concern for a healthy, peaceful mind?

Just like Philip I have eaten a great dose of the do-more syndrome… The “it’s not enough to be needed by people” mindset. The mindset that makes your hands want to do something, but the thing is we just don’t have what it takes to do what the world calls great(maybe at the moment). I have lived in this hell and anxiety and I know it’s not pretty. I had to let go and move off.

Who said we can’t let go…

Well here’s what someone else said, Morgan Harper Nichols said “It’s okay to let go and seek peace of mind.” Those words pierced right through my soul, releasing all the unrealistic needs and expectations from my young self.
It lead me to saying out loud, “you’re too young to be carrying these lies on your shoulder.”
Who made you believe you’ve always got to be enough. Smart enough, wise enough, good enough, skilled enough.

I think we all need to start getting comfortable sleeping and waking up to doing the small things that are difficult to do. Maybe.
It’s okay to start as a mediocre. The wrong thing is thinking that’s all you’ll be. It’s that fear that makes you run after what the world wants…
Based on popular demand is a killer. Don’t look at it. Based on popular demand is a fallacy capable of keeping people slaves without chains.
Don’t be that guy!

Start getting consistent with the little things nobody really notices. That’s the hardest thing to do… Because it’s small yet difficult and no body gives you praise…

Gratitude, love, care for obnoxious siblings, sharing when you obviously hate sharing all you have, giving others a helping hand, saying the truth, waking up early, reading books, going on social media and being conscious not to compare, reading the Bible, praying for yourself and others…

Learn how to live without praise and know you’re still getting it done. That’s one good drug if you’ve recognized the do-more syndrome.

P. S If you still feel like you need something to do. Look around, someone close to you is struggling with a little task. Help someone and get a thank you.

Featured image credit goes to me and my phone!

Who said you had to carry the world in your shoulder. Heaven is so big yet not everyone will go to heaven…

In her September Thoughts, Timely Series

SeConD SepTembeR

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2 September 2019
“Why do I have a feeling this September thoughts challenge will turn out to be a September daily questions that didn’t get instant Answers.”


HYPOCRITE ?


Hypocrisy might just be the subject of my racing thought today.
Lately all the preachings I’ve been stumbling into have been talking about being more like Christ. About bringing out love and letting it shine on people.
Brett Harris said doing hard things, that is great works, doesn’t depend on how big or small they are. Sometimes it’s about having the right attitude for the ordinary things (do you know how hard that could get).

For teens and young adults trying to get things done, it’s easy to get frustrated when things doesn’t work out but sometimes we just need to be the first change. Then I looked to myself.
How is your attitude towards the house chore? Does my mom find me positive to be around? Do my siblings feel comfortable around me?
The reality of it is I’m way nicer to strangers than the people around me. This fact fills me with guilt and I’m left to ask, why am I not also that bright light my siblings need in their life? I can’t help but wish I was some pollyanna.
Why is it hard to deal with the people really next to us?
Does your attitude towards strangers really count when your siblings are not really benefiting from that attitude?
Does this make me a hypocrite now or is this normally normal?

P. S Two days after this draft, I saw a tweet like:

Why are the best people always far away…