When you grow!

06 min read

25 September 2019

Hi lovelies!
The month is coming to a gradual end and all I can feel now is gratitude. I haven’t seen so much around me change but one thing I am sure of is that I am not the same girl I was in August. At least I am here, typing on a blog and I wasn’t doing that last month. Last month I was wallowing in self inflicted pain and confusion….

Side Note: Please, I am begging anyone who sees this, pleaseeeeee let me know how your month is going. I am so desperate to hear from you. No matter how long the text turns out, do send it. You can leave me a mail:
Destinyfelinah@gmail.com
Or leave me an instagram message
@_purplejournal
I just really want to know how the people listening to me are doing. I want to learn more from you. I want to see what I might be doing wrong.

Now back to growth

So you’ve grown better!
Yes. Whether you believe it or not, you’ve actually grown better. You have gotten more experiences. You have felt so much emotions. You’ve struggled through some task and you still got some done.
When we look back at who we used to be and who we are becoming, the difference is amazing. When you look back, you notice all the things you once would put up with and now it seems like you’re ready to swing bad energy out of your life. As we grow we tend to get attracted to things that are moving towards where are are heading to.
Motivational gurus will state how important it is to change our immediate community. To be around people that inspire us. They tell us how the subtle involvements does influence us.

Personally, as I have grown out of some sort of phase, I notice things I went through that seemed like a waste of time. I have noticed some things I was once interested in but have grown to realise they wouldn’t matter in a few years. I’ve dropped some addictions and pleasures. I look at some things and cringe at how immature and unnecessary they are.

I had a dialogue with myself. Before bed last night, I did try to consider the people I can’t push away from my life. The people that will always be around me (you): Family, loved friends, work mates…
When we grow in certain ways (especially when the change is really visible or progressive) we tend to develop personalized metric and yardstick for acknowledging the people around us. I have talked myself into believing that this is just another phase of growth. If this phase is not handled right, we might just become toxic to the people around.

What I am trying to say is the whole idea of forcing growth on the people around us. Just because we can’t swing them out of our lives, we tend to develop an attitude geared towards moulding them into what we want them to be. Moulding them into who we think they should be. Pressuring them on how we feel they should act. Looking down on their faults. Getting agitated at their lack of response. “We” just look at so much of us we are infusing into someone’s life.

I am trying not to always make myself an example, but who else do I stay so close to? Okay, example :
Lately I have been watching my junior brother who I am two years older than. We use to do so many things together. We’ll get excited about the same stupid ideas and meaningless songs. We’ll both delve into the world of aspiring to be wealthy and believe that’s all life was about. Well, I got the chance to go to the University and he’s still in highschool. I got the chance to live with different people and try ignore what I hated about them. I got the chance to see real life struggles, the chance to be depressed and the chance to seek coming out of that nightmare. In all that, I’ve grown. Most of my values, interests and ambitions have changed; I would say my life took a 360 slow turn.

I am back home for the holiday. I am living with my family again and I am trying to be a whole new me now. A new me that’s still constantly becoming new… And changing everyday.

Who wouldn’t love living in a home with very goal-oriented humans? Who wouldn’t love living in a home that supports your interests?

I have now returned with very dramatic expectations from my family. I expect them to be positive, to be loving towards themselves. To constantly fill the atmosphere with good vibes. I expect them to act right. To do the right things. I expect them to start having dreams for their lives. To start supporting each other. Embracing and loving one another. I expect my parents to be very concerned with our mental health and notice our desire to start creating our dream lives. I expect my parents to be very supportive. This is a great vision. This is a wonderful, desirable family picture. But things can also get toxic…

I look at my junior brother and try to figure out how to get him out of the silly teenage obsessions: fantasies of great cars and huge houses, expensive shoes and nice hair do. Trending fashion and upbeat rap songs that says nothing reasonable. I force my nine year old sister to stop replying to everything someone says…
In essence, forcing them to grow out of their annoying teenage and childish behaviours and interests. It’s painful to admit but this is wrong no matter how many times I say, “it’s for their own good.”

Nothing teaches as great as experience. Don’t you think it will be a really dramatic lesson to teach someone how a certain pain feels. Sometimes words aren’t enough, sometimes they seem insufficient. Words could have different meanings and intensity to different ears. The best and easiest way to make them understand this pain you’re babbling about would probably be letting them feel it themselves… Feel the pain sting their emotions and linger on their skin.

I thought of how wrong what I was going was… Trying to deny them the opportunity to find meaning in pain; to find a meaning and reason to why they have to grow up. Why they have to heal.
We could pray. We could guide. We could teach. We could share our experiences… But one thing I have realised is wrong is expecting a certain attitude or result from the people around us.

Just because you grew wiser doesn’t make everyone around you dumb. Just because the universe gave you your share of your lessons earlier doesn’t mean the rest of the world around you have to become extremely reasonable. It doesn’t mean they’ll share the same interests as you.

Stop forcing the people around you to grow into what you think is right. Don’t force growth on people when their souls haven’t had a reason to know they need a change.

Nobody spoke you into the confusion that led to your realization. Don’t do that to someone. Nature, The Divine, Destiny… They are all able to control human progress. They hold a core factor called timing. Don’t force someone to blend into your own time(season) of growth.
Pray for them, encourage, love and rebuke them when it’s called for. Teach them. Try to help them see the big picture. But don’t, don’t, don’t pressure them into a picture in your head.

My junior brother don’t have access to some of the books I stumbled upon. He doesn’t have access to my instagram community. He doesn’t see with the same perspective as I. We don’t feel the same emotions at the same time.
It’s best to let the universe speak to him in a way that he’ll understand… While I provide him with experiences and lessons I’ve learnt. While I provide him with listening ears.

How are you seeing your family and friends?

Know that you are also childish to someone who seems to have grown faster than you did. I will still struggle with this, but now I know it’s wrong.

So, this is the message from The Purple Journal today; family… They might not always understand. That’s why we have a chance to meet with like minded people… People who are seemingly in the same phase as us (friends); But don’t force your immediate community to respond like you expect.
I don’t know if I was able to get the message across. Know it’s something very selfish to do.
You. And me. We now have to grow from this phase. We have to learn patience and perseverance.

With love, light and grace

The Purple Journal.
XoXo